


Burnt Out

by gingayellow



Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:06:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4569087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingayellow/pseuds/gingayellow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Godai hasn't seen (or spoken to) Ichijou for a year. But when Ichijou is possessed by a Grongi, Godai will do whatever it take to save him (character death--although Godai and Ichijou both make it out in one piece--and characters dealing with depression. Story is complete!).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Post-series, spoilers apply. Not exactly a happy story. (An anon on tumblr suggested this scenario, ty!)
> 
> I'm going to try to actually finish this one, but due to real life being pretty terrible at the moment, that may not happen right away (and if you've wondered why all my wip fics die, that's why).

Title: Burnt Out (1/3)  
Fandom: Kamen Rider Kuuga  
Characters/Pairing: Godai Yuusuk/Ichijou Kaoru  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Not mine, anything mentioned here by name isn't mine  
Warnings: Character death (although both Godai and Ichijou make it out in one piece in this fic), characters dealing with depression  
Notes: Post-series, spoilers apply. Not exactly a happy story. (An anon on tumblr suggested this scenario, ty!)

Godai was in such a hurry to get to Ichijou’s apartment that he crashed in the parking lot.

If he was still human, he would have needed to go to the hospital. But he wasn’t, not anymore, no one else was hurt (or there at all) and he could always get a new motorcycle, so he picked himself up and bolted for the door, which was still roughly five meters away.

_help_

That had been the first text Ichijou had sent him in nearly a year. And it had been the sole reason Godai had come back to Japan.

He banged his fist on the door. “Ichijou-san?!” He’d tried calling and texting multiple times. Ichijou’s co-workers said that he was taking a leave of absence. There was nowhere else for him to be except home—but he wasn’t responding.

_help_

It was a one story apartment, so climbing was out. Godai made a mental note to set aside repair money as he got ready to kick the door down—

“Godai Yuusuke!” Ichijou beamed at him. “Please, come in.”

“…Okay.” Godai was somewhere between relieved (Ichijou was alive!) and confused (so what was really wrong?) as he let Ichijou lead him into the living room. “Ichijou-san, about the text you sent me two days ago—”

“Ah, about that.” Ichijou grimaced, scratching his head. “That’s a bit of a long story. Why don’t you sit down? I’ll make us some tea.”

The last time Ichijou made tea, it was because Godai was too exhausted from fighting to move. After getting scalding water all over the stove, they both agreed that maybe buying tea would be the best option.

“All right.” Godai sat down, just like Ichijou asked. “I have nothing else to do today, so take all the time you need to tell your story.”

“It starts roughly a year ago—about when you and I stopped talking,” Ichijou said from the kitchen.

“About that. I didn’t mean—”

“I fully understand, Godai. Healing after all those battles means good days and bad days. Or in your case, a year.” The faucet was running. “And it’s not like I was trying to keep in touch.”

Godai had always wondered about that, and what he’d done to make Ichijou stop talking to him, but now was not the time. “So what happened last year, Ichijou-san?”

Ichijou turned the faucet off. “There was an archaeological team that found some artifacts very similar to the Grongi.” He moved to put the tea kettle on the stove. “And since I was the only person on Nagano with experience with such things, they asked me to visit. I didn’t notice at first, but one of them—really, it was more of a small stone than anything else—was among them.”

“So, did you grab it?”

“What? No, of course, not—that would breach all sorts of protocol.”

“Oh, right.”

“Besides, all I had to do was stand near it for it to get in my head.”

Ichijou had confirmed was Godai had suspected. But he didn’t move. Not yet. “What’s your name?”

He smiled over his shoulder as the kettle whistled, a harsh sound that hurt Godai’s ears. “It’s Ichijou. Surely you know that by now, Godai Yuusuke.”

“No, I mean what the other Grongi call you.”

“I never really liked my name.” He took the kettle off the stove, and began to stoop the tea. “If you’d like you can call me Kaoru. I’ve been in this body so long, I guess I’ve grown accustomed to his name.”

“But I received a text from Ichijou-san two days ago.”

“You did. It was a dying gasp of free will before I crushed him completely. Ah, good, the tea’s almost done. I hope you like green tea.”

“I do.” Godai took a deep breath. “I’ve never seen a Grongi like you. Usually, they have a human appearance already.”

Kaoru shrugged. “I always liked being different.” He laughed a little as he began to pour the tea into delicate white cups. “Actually, I’m one of the older Grongi. I was a bit of troublemaker, so they sealed me.” He smiled at Godai as he brought in the tea. “See, I never really wanted to kill humans. Well, no more than necessary.” He put the tray down on the desk next to Godai. “Not when they’re so terribly useful. Like your Ichijou. Once I’d assumed control, things were much easier when I had his access to—”

Godai held up a hand. “How did you assume control? Because I know Ichijou-san didn’t go down without a fight.”

“He did fight, but it was easier than you might imagine.” Kaoru reclined in a nearby armchair. “He wasn’t really in the mental state for a prolonged struggle. Not like you, with all your friends keeping you from losing yourself.”

“But his mother—”

“She died about a month after I first worked my way into Ichijou’s brain. And before you ask about those two lovesick officers he told you about, they both transferred not long after you left. Everyone else, of course is off in Tokyo or wherever you wander off to, enjoying full lives without him burdening them anymore.”

Godai felt like he was going to throw up. “Why didn’t he tell anyone?!”

Kaoru shrugged again. “His depression wasn’t affecting his work. And he certainly didn’t have any friends to be hurt from it. So why bother, if the only person suffering was him? You really should have some tea, it’s getting cold.”

“No.”

“Oh come now, you saw me prepare it, so you know I didn’t do anything melodramatic like poison it. You must be parched after such a long trip—”

“No!” The Grongi was in Ichijou’s body, so fighting was not an option. But neither was pretending this was normal at all.

“Well, I am,” Kaoru said as he reached for a cup. “I didn’t have to do much. Just small whispers about how he wasn’t really needed, and definitely wasn’t wanted.” He took a sip. “The fact that you sent no calls or texts for so long helped, of course.”

“I thought… I just assumed that since he hadn’t sent me any messages, that he didn’t want me talking to me.” Who would. He was a monster.

“Oh, Godai.” Kaoru clucked his tongue. “For someone who’s so good at making friends, you’re very bad at maintaining those friendships.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“Well, nothing as ridiculous as those children tried to do.” He took another sip of tea. “I don’t want to fight a war, not at my age. However, I’m willing to bet there are a few Grongi left. Maybe even some like-minded humans. Of course,” and now he put down the cup, “I can’t do that until Kuuga is out of the way.”

“Okay. Kill me.”

“… Excuse me?”

“I’m not going to fight you. Not when you’ve taken Ichijou-san.” Godai looked Kaoru in the eyes.

“But… your friend would be the one killing you.”

“I made my peace with Ichijou-san possibly killing me ages ago. Heck, I reminded him that he might have to do it in my last fight. I would, however, like to say some final words.”

“Kuuga—”

“Ichijou-san, I am so sorry. For everything. If I’d known you were in so much pain, I would have crashed in your parking lot months ago.” He had to talk fast, before Kaoru realized what he was doing. “I thought you didn’t want me around anymore, but I was wrong. That’s my one regret—”

Kaoru shoved him to the ground with a strength Godai had only experienced with other Grongi. What was supposed to be Godai’s tea cup shattered, along with the desk as Godai went down. “That’s enough from you, Kuuga.”

Godai reminded himself that he was smiling at Ichijou, not Kaoru. “I’m glad I got to see you one last time, Ichijou-san.”

Suddenly, Ichijou froze, and shuddered. That gave Godai enough time to pull himself up, and reach out, but he pulled.

Kaoru was against the wall, head in his hand. “It’s my body now, you little—” But then he froze, and fell.

And Ichijou would definitely scold Godai for running to him, and holding him, but he would worry about that. “Ichijou-san?”

He was very still for what felt like forever, but then he opened his eyes a little. “Godai?” His tone wasn’t before, all sugary sweet. It was just Ichijou.

“Yes. It’s me.”

Ichijou frowned weakly. “You weren’t really going to let me…”

Godai shook his head. “I wasn’t going to kill you, of course. But I would have subdued the Grongi possessing you, if I had to.”

“Good to know,” Ichijou said before passing out again.

Godai had rescued Ichijou, for now.

He wasn’t quite sure how to save him for good, but he was going to find a way.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Content warning: touches on depression  
Notes: I really did not meant to take this long to continue this story. But real life/my mental state got in the way. I'm hoping it will take less time to conclude it. Post-series, spoilers apply.

\--

Suddenly, everyone wanted to see Ichijou again.

Sakurako and Minori stopped by the most, usually after their respective jobs. Sometimes they even took a day off to see him. Nana and Uncle came by at least twice a week. Enokida and Jean were busier, of course, but they appeared several times, as well as former and current co-workers. So many people. So many people now cared about how he was doing, and how he felt.

They didn’t come empty handed, of course. They brought more flowers than Ichijou had seen in his life, and newspapers (just in case he was bored!). Not that he was—everyone had a story or five to tell as well. Thankfully, no one expected him to talk.

Tsubaki was there as well, but he had other reasons aside from being friendly—now that everyone knew the truth, there was tests to run. They needed to know if he was dangerous or not. What he could do now.

When the tests were done, Tsubaki assured him that while having a mostly dormant Grongi augmenting your strength and durability was not a good thing, he saw nothing unlike he saw with Godai. That—and Tsubaki did his best to smile as he spoke—he saw no reason why his situation wouldn’t turn out like Godai’s. It would be difficult, but he would still be himself.

Things would get better. That’s what everyone kept telling him.

 _So that you’ll stop with the melodrama, and they can go back to their lives,_ Kaoru reminded him. _The only reason anyone is here at all is because you threw a tantrum._

That wasn’t true. He had fought the Grongi’s influence, and Godai had helped him.

_Ah, yes, Godai. How often has he been here?_

Godai had been here since the beginning.

_But has he said more than the basic pleasantries?_

This was getting ridiculous. Of course Godai wasn’t going to talk a lot; all of this reminded him of his own trauma. But once he realized Ichijou was himself again (more or less), he would open up. Eventually, they’d be normal around each other again. 

_But you’re not normal anymore. How long did I control you again?_

Four months.

 

_You’ll succumb, like you did before. As for Godai, well, where is he?_

“Godai.” Ichijou had been so busy “arguing,” he hadn’t even realized it. After some struggle, he sat up. “Godai?!”

“Ichijou-san!” Godai was all smiles as he practically bounded into the hospital room. “Sorry, but I thought I’d do some shopping while you were asleep.”

_Of course._

“Of course.”

“I was hoping to get back before you woke up, but the store was busy,” Godai explained as he rummaged through a bag. Finally, he brought out some bread. “I thought you might be getting tired of hospital food, ya know?”

“Thank you.” He took the bread, but had trouble opening the wrapper.

“Ichijou-san, I could—”

“I’m part Grongi, not dead. I think I can manage.” He tried two more times before giving up, and opened it with his teeth. He ate the bread in small bites.

Godai watched him as he ate, and despite everything, Ichijou smiled a little. Godai was very protective when he wanted to be—

_A shame he didn’t want that earlier. Maybe I wouldn’t even be here if he’d answered your calls at first._

“Stop it.”

“What did I do?!”

Oh, dear. “Nothing, I promise. But Godai…” Maybe if he just asked, Kaoru would shut up. “Has Sakuarako discovered anything?”

Godai shrugged. “A little, but it’s not easy. Whoever possessed you isn’t mentioned that much in what she’s read or learned, and she’s basically the world’s expert on Grongi.”

“Oh.” So much for any new advantages.

“Ichijou-san?”

…Godai was holding his hand. Hunh.

“It’s scary, isn’t it?”

“I don’t remember most of it.”

_Liar. And he knows that you’re lying._

If Godai did know, he didn’t let it show. “Well, it was definitely scary for me! Especially, um.” And now he looked away, although he was still holding Ichijou’s hand. “At the end.”

“Godai.” 

“And I get it if you don’t wanna talk about it! But if you ever do, I’m here, okay?”

**_Like you were before?!_ **

Godai looked like he was about to cry. “I’m… I’m sorry. I really wanted to contact you, I just.” He pulled away, and looked at the floor. “I didn’t think.”

“Godai, I didn’t mean to—”

_Except you did._

“Please look at me—”

**_And tell me why you left. Do you have any idea how long I waited? I wanted to contact you, more than anything, but I told myself to wait. You would let me know if you wanted me back in your life. Well. I guess I got my answer._ **

Godai wasn’t even talking anymore.

Ichijou took a deep breath, making sure he was in control again before he spoke. “Please leave.”

Godai did what he was told.

\--

“How many more sick days can you take?” Tsubaki asked Minori as he opened the door with his free hand. Her devotion to her brother and Ichijou was not in doubt, but her boss’s understanding was.

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “I think it’d be a good idea if I’m here for both of them…oh.”

Tsubaki was about to ask what was wrong, but then he saw Godai hunched over the desk, looking like his world had ended.. Oh, indeed.

“Um, Godai.” He wasn’t good at interpersonal stuff, but he was willing to trying… until Minori walked up, and hugged Godai. Then he realized it was probably best for him to stay quiet.

“Hey,” Minori began.

“Hey.” Godai hugged Minori back.

“I’m guessing Ichijou is having problems?”

“He was supposed to forget me.”

“Hm.”

Godai huffed. “Well, not actually forget me. But he was supposed to get back to his job and his friends and feel better and not worry about me. I mean.” There was a long pause. “Who wants to deal with Kuuga?”

“He does!”

Tsubaki hadn’t meant to shout, but it was a bad situation, and know everyone was looking at him, so he needed to explain. “Look, this was when you were still fighting the Grongi and Ichijou brilliantly decided he needed to help you, even after getting injured. You wanna know why?” Godai nodded wordlessly. “Because he felt a connection to you. He cares for you—yeah, even when you’re Kuuga.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes! Honestly.” No wonder they never officially together; Godai was so obtuse sometimes.

Minori smiled a little, patting her older brother’s head. “We’re all at fault here, and we’ll all do our best to fix it. But that does mean sticking around for awhile, okay?”

“I know.” Godai didn’t smile, but the tension in him eased a bit. “He, um. Kinda let me know he was mad. I mean, he has a right to, of course, but—”

“It’s Ichijou,” Tsubaki reminded him. “I don’t think he can stay made at you too long.”

“This was about me leaving, and not contacting him.”

“Oh.” Tsubaki rubbed the back of his neck. “Whelp, he’s gonna be in the hospital for at least a week longer, so you’ll have plenty of time to talk it out?”

Godai nodded. “That will have to do. And I’ll stay as long as I need to… oh no.”

“Hey!” Minori and Tsubaki both chased after him, but he was going **so fast** , screaming for Ichijou even as he all but tore down the hospital door—

But Ichijou was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: not mine.  
Notes: and here's the final part! Content warnings for depression. Post-series, spoilers apply.

\--

Ichijou was gone, but Godai knew where to look. After a few minutes of hastily assuring Minori and Tsubaki that yes, it would be fine, yes, he truly believed that the Grongi in Ichijou’s body had not taken over, and yes, he would take Minori’s phone, just in case, he sped off to find him.

Nothing had really changed on that blasted mountain. It was still cold, snowy, and miserable. The only genuinely unusual part was Ichijou, his back to Godai.

He was ready to fight, just in case—but it was a last resort. He would try something he wasn’t entirely comfortable with (honest communication) for Ichijou’s sake. “Ichijou-san?”

For a long time, the howling wind was the only sound. Then, in a voice so low Godai could only hear thanks to enhanced hearing, Ichijou whispered, “Do you remember this fight?”

“Yes,” he admitted. He never spoken of it out loud before. “I remember how close I came to becoming a monster, and how you pulled me back from that.” He wanted to reach out, but knew all too well that was bad idea right now. “Ichijou-san, there were so many times you kept me from giving in.”

Now, finally, Ichijou looked at him. His hair was a mess and his eyes were shadowed, but it was a start. “And after you left? How did you deal with it then?”

Godai didn’t need clarification: this wasn’t just about how he coped, but how Ichijou could cope. “I thought of you, and how you’d want me to stay myself.”

“But you still left.”

“I’m sorry. If I’d known that…” This was not the time for explanations. “Please forgive me.” He took a small step in Ichijou’s direction. “Ichijou-san, I want you to stay yourself as well.”

Ichijou shuddered, but then walked to Godai, hands in his pockets (one of “fun” parts of their situation was that it was easy to change from hospital clothes to normal clothes very quickly). “ I don’t know if that’s possible. I can’t be a cop again. Both my parents are gone.”

“Then… then come with me?” Ichijou blinked at him, and it was such a natural moment between them, despite the setting and situation, Godai kept going. “I mean, maybe you need an adventure of your own. And I’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there. I mean, we’ll probably mess some stuff up—I know I do all the time—but it’s gotta be better than living on a mountain, right?”

Ichijou gave him a look (another sign that maybe things were improving). “I wasn’t planning to live here. I was thinking.”

“About what?” Godai dared to ask.

“When I was yelling at you earlier—and I’m truly sorry about that—it was partly the Grongi’s influence.”

Oh. “But you fought it off. That’s a good sign!”

Ichijou frowned. “It wasn’t just the Grongi, though. Some of that was me.”

Godai gulped. “Well, maybe I deserve to be yelled at! I did kinda leave you all alone for ages, and—”

“Yes, but you had a good reason, and I was just—wait.” Ichijou pinched the bridge of his nose. “Are we really standing in the middle of a snowstorm, arguing over who’s the worst?”

“Well, when you put it that way, it does seem a little odd.”

“I think,” and now Ichijou reached for Godai’s hand. “I think that now that we've talked, I'm realizing it is easier to fight it, if you are with me. And I think we should go home, and plan out our adventure.” 

Godai was so relieved, he didn’t say anything for most of the trek back. Finally, Ichijou cleared his throat and said, “I’ve never been out of the country. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Make sure you bring a toothbrush. And we can’t leave just yet—we need to make sure you’re travel ready, and say proper good-byes.” No just running off this time. “Also, we need to make sure we answer our texts.”

“Agreed on all parts.”

Things had changed. They couldn’t go back to what they had before—but it wasn’t silence and hurt feelings anymore, either. They would figure this out, together.

And honestly, as long as Ichijou was with him, Godai felt more together than he had in years.


End file.
